Jamez Geiger.
3 Soldiers.
I’ve been crying and crying for
hours, almost days. I lost 3 of my boys, my family. I lost them to unnecessary
street violence. Why would a 30 year old man pull the trigger on those kids.
Donti Lugo,Javier Orlandi, and Joshua Soto. These 3 boys gunned down. They
didn’t deserve it. Nobody does. It hurts me to say that they’re really gone.
Especially Donti .. he was the youngest. I loved him, blood couldn’t make us
any closer. As I waited outside that hospital in the freezing cold with other
friends and family. I was hoping they wouldn’t pull the plug on him. Hanging on
by a thread on life support. But he fought long enough and became strong enough
to give up. Little do most people know, that Donti was already long gone..
Its killing me slowly, just
thinking over and over tears escaping my eyes. Its hard to believe. The memorial
was pretty bad. Javier’s mom passed out and fell on me. Shit, I even that was
the worst part, until I attended the funeral. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Donti
had impact and influenced so many lives. They had to shut the whole street down
just for his viewing.I was just in shock. Nothing will ever be the same again.
When they passed they took a part
of me with them. Its all still a blur. One day ill see them again. It still doesn’t make any sense. They
were all young, younger then me. They all cant live their lives. They didn’t
make it to see 25. Didn’t make it to finish high school. Didn’t make it to have
a child one day. I cant ever see their smiles again. Especially Donti’s. I
break down to myself. Every time I see their pictures. Donti’s smile warmed
hearts.
I try to forget about it and ‘ move ‘ on …but how am I suppose to
move on when my boys are 6 feet under ground . How would you feel if you had to
look at 3 of your closest friends in a casket. How would that make you feel ? Dead.
Ice cold, stiff, body rotting. As I watched Donti lay in his casket. His ice
cold body, looked all rigid and stiff. I thought to myself, that’s not him. That’s
not Donti, that’s not my boy. He just didn’t look the same. Like if the person
laying in that casket were alive then you compare him to how Donti really
looked, they’d be two different people.
I cant help but wonder .. is there really a ‘ heaven ‘ up there? What
are Donti, Josh, and Javy are
doing up there in the sky.
Are they looking down on all of us
who miss them and are grieving? Or are their bodies just lifeless corpses with
no soul, no spirit no anything. Just rotting. I passed Donti’s grave on
Saturday and its just really hard to accept. I wonder if he knew he was going
to die . I wonder if any of them knew they were going to die this year. Were
they ever going to finish high school? Were they ever going to grow up? I remember last summer Josh told me that
if he died in 2012 that he didn’t want people to cry for him; he wanted people
to be happy…its kind of ironic. It all just runs through my mind. Everywhere I
go I see ‘ R.I.P ‘ for them all
over the place. Like its crazy how
many people were touched and
effected by the death of them.
Ever since they died I haven’t been
the same. I don’t think ill ever be the same.
Sometimes I even wonder if life is worth
living anymore. I guess ill
find out soon.
I don’t even care if I die, at first when this all started I
thought to myself that I should watch myself. I should be more careful. I should
do this; I should do that but when in reality, no action permanently saves you
from death, only temporarily. Either way im going to end up in the dirt. So now
I don’t even care if I die. Ive been getting the bad vibe that the grim reaper
will come to snatch my soul out my shirt one of these days. But when he does I will
look him in the eyes and make him realize the pain that he brought to me, to
all of us for taking our beloved boys Donti, Javy, and Josh. Our 3 soldiers.
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